Something Awful: Truly Outrageous, Truly, Truly, Truly Outrageous

So, Something Awful never fails to disappoint me in humanity but at least when it does so, it placates my shame for the species with laughs. However, today they posted a gallery of dual awesomeness. Check it out. Some of the best work I have seen out of SA in a while.

Workin' Gherkin/Safety Signs

What's that now?

A new article from the Arenanet devs on Guild Wars 2 you say? Great. But, what? Nuh uh... You're kidding right. Are you sure the language they use suggests that it could be a year or more before the game comes out... FUUUuuuuuu... I don't even have the energy for all that right now.

"When It's Ready" by Eric Flanunum, lead game designer

Fuck. At least Guild Wars 1 still rocks.

I set you up..

And the gaming industry punches you in the craw.

If you were unaware of my current upcoming-game obsession, which, based on my stellar record of pre-release recommendations (STALKER, Spore, APB), can't help but be a glorious Hindenberg of a letdown, it is Guild Wars 2.

Video Games | Guild Wars 2 | Evil Rises Trailer

XBox 360 | Playstation 3 | Nintendo Wii

Let's go down the Cyrus-is-about-to-break-all-of-your-hearts-by-telling-you-to-buy-a-sure-to-be-shitty-game checklist:

-seasoned development team with at history of solid games under their belts (Diablo 2, WoW network programming, Guild Wars): check

-awesome looking videos, concept art, and screenshots: check

-exciting and ground breaking game concept: check (NCSoft even wrote their own MMO manifesto)

-obscene level of excitement over the game on my own part: definitely

So, following the trend, there is no way this can't be the worst game you will ever play ever. Seriously, it will be a huge let down and you will all cry and vomit intermittently (and interminably) if you buy this game.

So yeah, go ahead and look this up. It's surefire.

Oh, and since GW2 is TBA with an expected release date in 2011, if you need another game recommendation to shit all over your life, it shouldn't be too long before Brink comes out. Check that out too.

And remember, even though, as a person, I love you guys, as the host for the undying demon of disappointment fuck every pet you will ever own ever. I fucking love to see you guys unhappy.

Pretty Sure I've Seen This Before...

But damn if it's not amazing.

Everyone Loves Zoology!

It's Late, I'm Worried About This Test Tomorrow...

What will make me happy? These:

Here are a couple others that brought me great joy but had embedding disabled:
A Clockwork Orange

The Hangover

Cabin Fever (don't worry, it's not anything horrible, though it totally could have been)

American Psycho

And, of course, Susan Boyle's big moment on the British version of American Idol. Yes, it's probably called British Idol; I am just too lazy to look it up

To try to bring some good back to the face of this blog...

and also to bring some good back to the word "goosh" I present this video. I literally had my hands mashed to the sides of my head in confusion the whole time. Please, please tell me this is a real Gusher's ad campaign in Germany.

Goosh, Good, Great!

So, you may or may not have heard of "Goosh Goosh." Well, yeah, it's horrible. But this... THIS IS GREAT!

NSFW unless you work in a rape factory.

If you want something that is totally work safe, try to tide yourself over with this.

Glorious... Just glorious.

"Soon, we will deploy our word bomb and kill them all."

Two things:

1. Check out this episode of Unskippable. It's pretty sweet.

2. The other night, boredom and curiosity drove me to try the Endless Forest. Now before you go blasting air through your various lip+tongue+teeth combinations to make the most disgusted "psshhhh" sound ever, hear out an experiment for yourself.

The Endless Forest is something akin to a free MMOG about a forest filled with a herd of that creepy man-faced god-deer from Princess Mononoke. There's just one thing. The game is free form. I mean literally and completely free form. There are no levels. There are no given quests or tasks. In a traditional game sense, there are hardly activities. You can't even type a message to other players. Its a lot like an MMO with everything stripped away except for the scenery, emotes, and some random little interactive items.

So this is nothing like your standard gaming experience. Imagining playing this for an extended period of time does, in fact sound pretty silly. But throw all that away for a moment and try this out. Cast aside your traditional game goals and you should probably also cast aside your qualms about how you should behave as an adult male. Try out the game for 30 minutes to an hour with the purpose of exploring how your social interactions can be made into "games" of their own despite the fact that you have no clue what the players on the other end are actually thinking/aiming at. I doubt you'll find anything deeply profound, but, you will have a unique experience that few other games drive at.

My choice to explore this game was influenced by this article discussing the way that the game reshapes "play." Also, reading this page and this page from the game's website helped me some with getting a hang of what I could actually do.