Oh the Things I Have Seen...

That's the internet alright! WHEEE!

SUPER CROSSOVER FIVE MILLION GO!

Maybe you have seen this...or maybe you are now lost to the internet.

  FOR-EV-ER.

This man crossed the dog nation and he will never live it down

In commemoration of the new layout, here is something I stole from Q-Beezy's blog.

Zibbidy doo!

I played around with the format in trying to help us not go crazy with video and picture embedding stupidity.

Let's see how it works out.

We've all been at this very moment

When we freak the fuck out over something fucking incredible in Smash Bros, and scream out: "My dick is hard"...this just made me nostalgic.

Where's the PC games spokesman?

Ohh, there he is.... in the corner... slowly bleeding to death... from self-inflicted wrist wounds.

*grrrr how do you get this bitch-ass website to properly scale to the content being displayed? If I make a picture small then it's tiny. If it's big its HUGE. Medium sort of works but now the photos have stopped including links. And let's not even talk about Youtube embeds.

Can I has child abuze?

Cats are cute and all but their parenting hasn't progressed one step since 1958.

The Cutest Homophobia Ever

So, I am pretty sure that this talk is being run by the guys who normally run the sunday school at the hate-mongering Christian fundamentalist church. I'm not sure why. Maybe all the A-level teams had scheduling conflicts. Maybe homophobic extremists have an off-season and some gay rights legislation was strategically launched during that period. Whatever the cause, these guys just don't seem to be able to inspire the standard hate-rage. They never seem to get past cutesie "room full of pre-schoolers" rage.

Normally with homphobes, as with any other biggots, I am annoyed or angry, but these childish flounderings are just soooooooo cute.

p.s. when I saw this on SomethingAwful's Awfulvision, the page header was "Nuke a Gay Poop-Eating Whale for Jesus." I get the "for Jesus" and the "Poo-Eating" and the "Nuke" can be inferred but I am still looking for the "Whale." Help with this would be appreciated.

addition: regretfully, looking into this, Martin Ssempa and the anti-gay movement in Uganda is pretty vicious... Sigh, humanity, can't you let me laugh for one second before further saddening me.

Dynamars Corporation Information Kiosk - Now Online!

Try to imagine every that every single space station/giant space ship/futuristic space colony you have seen in a movie, read about in a comic book, or experienced in a video game was one location. Well not just that, but every problem of every one of those things is occurring in one location. Welcome to Ares station.

You can now, with great reading pleasure, experience what it is like to live as a crew member on Ares station via the updates such a person would have regular access to through information kiosks placed around the station.

Dynamars Corporation Information Kiosk Archive

These can be a little on the long side, but, when you have time to sit down and read one, it is very pleasant. I have only made it through the 4th entry, but it definitely seems to be much better if you read them in order. Alright gents, enjoy and I look forward to seeing you IN THE FUTURE-uture-ture-ture...

Fun New Dance Craze or Concussion Inducing Madness?

A little from column A) . . .

I figured Fabe could do with a little semi-adult-related fun since the fiance (pronounced "fee-yontz") is off for her bachelorette party. Not as if we didn't just have a bachelor party last weekend or anything like that.

Despite being on Youtube this isn't even remotely safe for work so I will just put a link instead of embedding.

Surra de Bunda

So you think he's smiling because he is having a great time or because the concussion is setting in and he is losing his sense of reality? Personally I think it is time to report back to our two columns.

p.s. Sure I appreciate a pretty lady with a sense of fashion but that belt aint foolin' nobody.

p.p.s. Can't forget the Wikipedia article explaining it either.

Some hippies and trust-fund kids are about to get raped.

So Valve, you have let those genital-free, champagne tasting fish-boys into our game. That's cool. I have just one message for them:

I'll be looking for assholes with earbuds on. I wonder, what do birkenstocks smell like when they burn?

Oh, and I lied. I have two messages:

There is a whole new meaning to "class warfare."

BTZ

Yeaaaaaaah...

Something Fishy on Failblog

So, as part of my standard procrastination rituals, I popped on to failblog.org for a quick browse. Doing so I came across this story:

It's the standard failblog fare; embarassing but not too surprising. But wait... Something is off about this story. If I didn't know better, I would say that someone involved in this story was lying.

Huh... I just can't put my finger on it. Must be my imagination. Oh well, have a good day gents and hopefully, the next time we talk this paper will be dead.

Does he mean to harm these commoners?

Read.

None of My Video Game Heroes Are This Decked Out :/

Gears of War 3 Armor Analysis

When APB drops, I'll definitely have to add 8-10 more layers of random shit to my character to bring him up to snuff. With his current limited armoring and actual mobility (even in his outfits consisting of multiple layers) he has got to be violating a building code or something.

P.S. if any of your friends seem interested in APB, demoralize them until they buy it and then tell them to hop on between the 26th of June and the 2nd of July. Non-compliance will be punished with a dog being sent to gnaw upon your face. Compliance will be rewarded with a small dog being sent to gnaw upon your face.

P.P.S. Fuck. I'm procrastinating again. Back to work for me.

Ibn Doom and the Edge of Eternity

So APB is getting right up on release (June 29th, for pre-orders June 26th) and the beta NDA has been lessened/dropped. Some unpleasantries have happened, well, just 1: the game will have a $10 per month subscription fee for access to the action district (the social/customization area is free, but you have to play missions to unlock customization content so really just the social district is free). The game is still fun though and the changes they are proposing to the various systems for release sound really good.

I am not excited about going against my previous personal decision not to pay monthly fees, but fine. I guess if I cut out buying the occasional package of junk-food, $10 won't make any real difference to my monthly expenses.

Well anyway, you'll have to forgive my complaining. I actually decided to post in promotion of the game, or more specifically, in promotion of the crazy customization system. As you guys have seen, I have been wildly excited about this game and that led to tons of sketches like this where I was planning out my look:



Now, normally, everyone would see a plan like this and say, "come on Cyrus, that's cool and all, but do you really think that a video game's customization will let you do even 1/10th of that." I probably would have admitted defeat before, but not fucking now:







I have been able to make literally every tattoo I planned to do (I didn't unlock all the symbols so there were some I didn't finish during beta). Customization is utterly ridiculous. I am impressed with what I have been allowed to do, but some of the stuff I have seen is utterly mind blowing. The following designs are all done from scratch:









And howabout a couple familiar faces:







So yeah, this may not be enough to convince those of you with more iron clad bans against monthly subscriptions than I have, but certainly, APB has lived up to its claims about customization. Combat has its holes but its fun and hopefully it is getting better. I feel good about the game and I hope you gents will think about joining Fabe and I in-game.