Monday, April 26, 2010

TEN PAGE RANT ABOUT BREASTS

SOMETHING AWESOME indeed.

You need to read this. Then you need to read this to your children. But most importantly, you need to read this to your children's children because when they are born, they probably won't even know what a boob is, the world will be so pixelated. I can see, hear, and smell your grandson right now and he is asking you, "grandpa, is that a chesty broad over there?" and then you rasp through your legally required vocoder, "no my boy, that's just a man folding his arms in a weird way while wearing a blonde headdress. Or maybe its an oddly shaped pile of bandages sitting next to a mop. You know, I'm not really sure. All these pixels make it really hard to look at breasts." Then you will reminisce about how you used to perv-out over boobs all the time and you will let out a single perv tear, but everyone will freak the hell out and force you to go to the hospital because they think your tear is your whole eyeball just falling out (those pixels really make it hard to figure stuff out) and even when you tell them that both of your eyes are still there, they will not understand you because of how much that vocoder throws things off. Yeah. Smell that. It's your future.

Oh, and when I say that the Something Awful article is ten pages, I mean ten very short pages. So check that out. Alright, I think I caught all the horrifying typos this time. Sleep for my face.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

It's too bad

That there isn't an emoticon that can express of the confusion that I am feeling right now:


I swear, this will be my last post for a little while.

NO! We shall be THIS man:




Sorry for all the Old Spice adds. They are just doing amazing things right now. Also, all his muscle dancing is probably going to make me vomit.

THIS WEEKEND

WE SHALL ALL BE THIS MAN!! IT WILL BE AMAZING!!

I don't know why....

....but i feel this comic strip might be the most epic thing i've seen. I need to find this Korean comic book!

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Because Previous Posts About APB Make No Sense

The other day I was thinking about the fact that I never really explained what the Kitsune revenge mission was (mainly because I hadn't really thought it out). I then promptly forgot until now when I saw Marcello's question.

Kitsune's mission was always supposed to be a lot larger than just killing the people who destroyed the organization 1. to stay in line with the huge scale of their original goals and 2. because by the time Kitsune would gain enough power to take revenge on the various forces that brought about their downfall, many of them would already be dead (although I suppose they could have just wanted revenge on the bloodlines, but that doesn't quite fit our needs so I'm going in a different direction).

The surviving members of Kitsune really had the sense that the forces of cowardice, ignorance, and despair within the human spirit were the cause of the group's destruction. Of course, these traits were not specific to the peasants who betrayed Kitsune. For Kitsune, these traits are the embodiment and root of human weakness. They are failures of the human existence worthy of eradication.

As a result of this philosophy, Kitsune members would, throughout history, assassinate public leaders or even groups of people who allowed these traits to dominate their decisions/lives. While all of these missions were committed in complete secrecy, they were not always successful. If failure did not lead directly to death, it would lead to suicide for the sake of hiding the existence of Kitsune. Over centuries, such failures led to the thinning of the most zealot members. Alongside the disinterest of Kitsune descendants in the mission, Kitsune faded over time.

While important to the ideology of Kitsune, these assassinations were not the true realization of the mission. Kitsune's true mission was to create a world in which weakness could not exist. The form of such a world and the method to reach it was never really agreed upon. In the hands of Ibn, Kitsune's goal is the dismantling of society (simply put, he is a sort of anarchist). His logic is that if nations, armies, and police forces provide protection for their citizens then those citizens are allowed to grow complacent and weak. They need neither the muscle to defend themselves nor the will to make their own decisions.

But Ibn doesn't envision a world of balance where individual might becomes its own form of stability and protection. Ibn wants chaos. Only in formless chaos could human weakness be crushed. Ibn doesn't care what else would be lost with it (he's certainly not a hero).

San Paro plays into this for its current turmoil and for its location. Not only is San Paro a city collapsing into chaos, but it is doing so within one of the strongest nations in the earth. Ibn's hope is that if he can collapse one pillar, then the rest of the temple will follow.

From this origin, I can already see a handful of ways that other characters could be tied into this group. They could be like Ibn: lost children raised upon violence and exposed to the maddening darkness of the world. They could be descendants of the Kitsune members who relearn their heritage and want to pick up the mission again. They could be visionaries moved by the original goal of Kitsune's world for the people. They could be thrill seekers or they could be vultures, hoping to find a living in the wake of destruction. There are probably a million other ways to tie a character into the group and that's before you start mixing and matching origin stories. Let me hear your thoughts. I know you story lovers have some ideas bouncing around in your imaginations.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Really? Your first line is about world "where a girl is a cat?"

So... I normally wouldn't post about something just because I hate it, BUT WHAT THE CRAP. This music is HORRIBLE.

I first ran into Stephanie Yanez about 10 minutes ago with the ebb and flow of the internet. She was hosting some youtube show exploring what seemed like the most prestigious of foodcourts in Japan somewhere. Despite her playing the whole cutie girl thing, I was still intrigued. So I said to myself: there is something odd about her, what is her deal. So I looked her up and apparently she was some form of musician. "Okay," I said to myself, "You have already come this far for no reason. Why not go a little further and watch her video?" After placing a call to my psychiatrist about my multiple personality issues, I clicked the link and...


OH! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT! ITS LIKE AN AUDIAL ASSAULT ON EVERYTHING THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY IN THE WORLD!

I don't know if she was first recognized for being a moderately attractive woman and then asked to make terrible music with her Fran Drescher voice or if, in some insane parallel universe she is a pop-star and they used their marsupial powered universal displacement machine to send her here to corner markets in both dimensions, but what the hell. I just can't understand how... how... I JUST CAN'T UNDERSTAND HOW. Somebody help me. I was supposed to be assleep 3 hours ago and now I am here... Dear Barrel bottom: Hello. How are you today?

Sunday, April 11, 2010

If you ever wondered why I don't enjoy Shoot 'em Ups

Remember, the purple things are the boss' attacks:
Once you get the picture, that's all you really need to see.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Speaking of Beta Keys

As we all know, I like to get carried away with stories

Pretty much, any chance my imagination gets to insert a story into something, it'll do it. I just love the story. So do you think I wouldn't have a story behind Kitsune? Well you thought wrong (right?). I've had the backstory rolling around in my head for a while, but with things near fruition, I'll put it down.

The organization currently known as Kitsune started out in 14th C. Japan as a small sect of yamabushi (ascetic warrior monks). The group dedicated itself to the protection of rural peasant farmers from powerful warlords and raiders. The sect considered itself to be servants to the goddess Inari (deity of fertility, agriculture, and industry; often supported by foxes and fox spirits, i.e. kitsune). Kitsune played into its role as the servants of Inari in battle by wearing fox masks and large red scarves with the ends split into 9 strips (a la the 9 tales of the kitsune). Kitsune was formidable but highly secretive. The group used subterfuge and guerrilla tactics to defend those it had sworn to protect.

As time passed, Kitsune's power spread. At its height during the Sengoku period (the 15th to 17th centuries), Kitsune began to interweave with many small rural groups of Bakuto (gamblers who eventually became the modern Yakuza). The Kitsune members taught, trained, and indoctrinated the often rowdy Bakuto into cells of zealous guerrilla fighters.

Kitsune's aim was to pick apart the ruling classes with guerrilla warfare to create a new era in which the farmers ruled themselves. However, on the eve of this war, out of fear many of the peasant villagers who were aware of Kitsune's plans reported the group to the ruling samurai warlords. Destruction of the conspiracy was swift and harsh and very few of the Kitsune or their Bakuto cells survived. From this day, the surviving members swore vengeance on a cowardly weak humanity. The survivors quietly merged back into other Bakuto groups or disappeared back into the mountains and rural areas. They continued to meet in secret, carrying their plans for vengeance across generations into the modern era.

By the 20th century, the few survivng descendants of Kitsune remembered the plot and betrayal of their ancestors as little more than a folktale. Only one man, an assassin of Japanese descent who worked throughout Asia, truly kept the mission of Kitsune in his heart. Aging and childless, he began to seek a successor to his mission of vengeance. He found this in a young man who went by the moniker, Ibn Doom (so sue me, I made my character a major part of the story).

Ibn was orphaned at birth and he was raised by a group of semi-revolutionary mercenaries. His youth was spent in military conflicts in South America, Africa, and the Middle East. However, his group was all but wiped out in an operation in the opening years of the 21st century. This left a skilled, but already mentally unstable man alone in the world. He spent the next few years wandering through Asia in a drug fueled haze of assassination contracts and debauchery until he was picked up by the Kitsune survivor. The combination of skill, ruthlessness, and madness seemed perfect for Kitsune's mission.

The final aging Kitsune descendant was later killed by a rival assassin, but not before he was able to pass on the mission to Ibn which the man adopted with fanaticism. Hearing of the madness and the chaos in the city of San Paro, Ibn set out to begin his mission of vengeance. He reached out to contacts from around the globe and Kitsune was reborn. (I'm not sure how everyone would quite fit together with this seeing as I am sure that a handful of your characters wouldn't fit with this chaos/vengeance thing... Maybe some of the characters just view it as a good chance to make a name for themselves or make money, and maybe there are some other reasons... Who knows, its all up to you all :D )

Ok that's it. As par usual, there is no particular reason for this, I'm just having a little fun putting my thoughts on paper. I have no plans for penning this into an actual story, but if anyone wants to add in how their character falls into things, I'd be super excited to see it *nods a little too excitedly while repeatedly nudging you*. Anyway, in closing, since I don't think I wrote these words enough: vengeance, vengeance, mission, assassin, Kistune.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Kitsune boys... It's on.

Special thanks to Josh letting us all know about the beta keys. Also, special message to Josh: if you go Enforcer, we WILL take a shit on your life.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

I'd Prefer Middle-Weight Metal

The best contextualizing of Heavy Metal (the movie) I have seen this week. Also paints a pretty accurate picture of being a nerdy pre-pubescent boy in the 80's/90's.

Friday, April 2, 2010

If Rob Liefeld is the embodiment of the backwards cap...

Then Raven c.s. McCracken is the embodiment of one of those crazy shirts that had anime characters and fire, but the fire was never fire colored. You know what I'm talking about. As much as those shirts were terrible and all of our girlfriends take great joy in knowing that there is no chance of us wearing them, you have to admit, there was something AWESOME about those shirts. That's exactly how Raven c.s. McCracken was. FUCK AN ENGLISH GRAMMAR RULES, I'M TALKING ABOUT THE McCRACKEN!!

WTF Synnabar... Enjoy.




Rock on McCracken. Rock on