Monday, April 26, 2010

TEN PAGE RANT ABOUT BREASTS

SOMETHING AWESOME indeed.

You need to read this. Then you need to read this to your children. But most importantly, you need to read this to your children's children because when they are born, they probably won't even know what a boob is, the world will be so pixelated. I can see, hear, and smell your grandson right now and he is asking you, "grandpa, is that a chesty broad over there?" and then you rasp through your legally required vocoder, "no my boy, that's just a man folding his arms in a weird way while wearing a blonde headdress. Or maybe its an oddly shaped pile of bandages sitting next to a mop. You know, I'm not really sure. All these pixels make it really hard to look at breasts." Then you will reminisce about how you used to perv-out over boobs all the time and you will let out a single perv tear, but everyone will freak the hell out and force you to go to the hospital because they think your tear is your whole eyeball just falling out (those pixels really make it hard to figure stuff out) and even when you tell them that both of your eyes are still there, they will not understand you because of how much that vocoder throws things off. Yeah. Smell that. It's your future.

Oh, and when I say that the Something Awful article is ten pages, I mean ten very short pages. So check that out. Alright, I think I caught all the horrifying typos this time. Sleep for my face.

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