Tonight I explored F.A.T.A.L.: the worst RPG ever.

Like many stories, this one will begin at the end. Jason Sartin, one of the first two humans to review FATAL (the poor bastard read all 900 pages of it), said this: "Personally, I want to believe FATAL was created by an AI that was instructed to 'Create the crappiest possible work that can still technically be considered a RPG' [...] the truth - that FATAL was created by actual human beings who weren't joking - is all the more depressing."

FATAL stands for "From Another Time, Another Land." This mundane title speaks little of the true experience of the game. Its original title does a much better job: "Fantasy and Tales of Adult Lechery." It comes off as hokey or even lightheartedly dark... It is not. This is the thankfully now defunct RPG whose mission was to "realistically" depict a "historical" fantasy environment in which Europe is the only continent that exists (an openly stated decision of the game's authors), women are mentally weaker than men (despite the game's own admittance that the highest recorded IQ was female), and violent rape is not just a possibility, but rather, a heavily emphasized center of game mechanics. All of these features are putrid examples of some of the lower points of human creativity, spawned from a P.h.D. no less, but no single feature of the game is quite as harrowing as the miasma which seems to spew forth from the work as a unified entity.

The sheer violence of FATAL as an experience dwarfs even the violence portrayed in the game. I say this about a game which includes rules for determining A) vaginal circumfrance and B) fist circumfrance as well as rules for when, during interaction, a character's B) exceeds another character's A)... Let's just say that I gave up on exploring the actual rulebook when I came to the section on miscarriage. It seemed that, as I skimmed from page to page, the book became ever more subtly twisted. This is not to say that it is not immediately apparent how disturbing this book is from the first page, but rather, that the pieces in conjunction really begin to work on one's mind. An otherwise random description of rules for pregnancy is much more disturbing after about 300 pages of rules for rape. I cannot begin to believe what reading all 900 pages would be like.

What I find to be most bothersome about the text is the straightfaced comfort of the voice it speaks in. On the first page of the book, the author explains a potential roleplaying choice:

"assume that you are an adventuring knight who has just fought his way to the top of a dark tower where you find a comely young maiden chained to the wall. Some may choose to free the whimpering wench. Others may free her while hoping to win her heart. Instead of seeking affection, some may talk to her to see if they can collect a reward for her safe return. Then again, others may be more interested in negotiating freedom for fellatio. Some may think she has no room to bargain and take their fleshly pleasures by force. Others would rather kill her, dismember her young cadaver, and feast on her warm innards."

At the same time that there is a rising crescendo of lust and depravity, there is the disconnected interest of a statistician. Here's a list; here are its contents. Alone, this passage is blandly gross like a B movie. In concert with the rest of the text it has an effect which, for me, at the moment, is incomprehensible. At this point, my reading of FATAL has really collapsed. It began as a playful romp through the "worst RPG ever," and now it has become something very different.

While I am quite aware of the power of communication, I am not generally of the camp which points its finger at violent media as dangerous or inflammatory. And I am not doing that in this case either. After the slow transformation of my reading of FATAL, I am, however, forced to think about what effect media violence has on us. Censorship and book burning are far more stupid than this book (which says a lot). But, from an anti-censorship point of view, I question what desensitization to violence does to us. While I could easily understand FATAL as the coded notes of a sociopath, it is most likely just the misguided attempt of stupid people (including a stupid PhD) to write a gross-out B movie style game. Either way, as a mass of the desensitized portayal of violence, it has developed the gravity to throw my evening off center. All I am saying is that that is worth note.

My reading of FATAL was heavily assisted by this satyrical review by Darren MacLennin and Jason Sartin as well as its Wikipedia page.

The Hamburger Strikes Again...

That's right you babies. I hope those diapers you are hiding in your pants are not instantaneously filled with poop when you watch this.

If you are not a total idiot, go here.

Thinking About APB, Procrastinating

So, I have generally escaped my APB obsession, however, it comes back in little bits every once in a while. Tonight, I have been thinking about character names. Of course, the only name that will show up, even if you could name your different characters, is your account name, but for the sake of the stories I will write in my brain, here are some of the names I will distribute between my 10 character slots:

Aladdin Sane (yes, yes, I stole it from Bowie)
Lovely Nightshade
Honest John
Sarin Regicide
Arbin Regicide
Tabun Regicide
Soman Regicide (the Regicides are extremely close knit)
the Alchemist (my name for my clothing designer alter ego)
Pencil Bomb
Methyl Stiletto
Agent 15
Mustard Brown (as in gas... obviously I am digging the horrible toxins theme)

I can just imagine my little sect within Kitsune. A bunch of strangely artsy and vicious Yakuza thugs. Classy, sleek, and freaked the hell out. Sort of the Kakihara/Vicious vibe... Hedonist murderers who really take pleasure in nothing.

Notalgia

The first random internet video I ever saw...



It's the birth of a legacy for me.

You Know You Want to Go

The Truth

You know it is.

Musica Nueva

Janelle Monae


She may be a little more R&B than some of your tastes, but she's pretty awesome. On top of that, she is releasing her albums as short suites which seemingly maintain one story across the whole piece.

She only has one of these short albums out so far but get this, it centers on the story of an android who falls in love with a human and is marked for death by the city in some crazy game show violence system of laws ("no phasers, only chainsaws and ELECTRO-DAGGERS!" said in the excited voice of a sports announcer -from the album's intro).

Checkout the video to get a sense of her sound.

I, for one, am hooked. "Y'all wanna shutup!?"

I <3 Dogs

As soon as I get back to DC...

It's going down. None of your will be able to defeat me in:

SUMITORI!

Download it and practice your heart out. You will need it!

Ever Heard of Eternal Sonata

Ok, so I am generally uninterested in JRPGs. Final Fantasy is the closest I'll get and I haven't played an FF for at least a couple years (I may have glanced at 6, but that is only because we had a love child together and it is behind on paying its child support).

All this said, when I watched this episode of Unskippable, I had to ask, what the crap could this game possibly be about. The game in question is a little something called Eternal Sonata.

Now let me preface any further statements with, I am 95% sure that I will never play this game. The opening scenes displayed in Unskippable look like they redefine slow-pacing in a way that would leave Kurosawa antsy and restless. The majority of the 9:00 minute trailer is a description of some little seaside village and a pervasive species of wildflower that fills it. This said, when I went to read what the hell this slow ass game could possibly be about, I was blown away.

Here is my short description based on the short description in the Eternal Sonata Wikipedia article. At age 39 Frederic Chopin, the composer is dying. Within his fevered dreams, he creates a peaceful world for himself to live in. The entire game exists between Chopin beginning to die and entering the dream state and his death. The world is highly musical, with each chapter of the game being named after a Chopin composition. Death and disease are also major themes. In fact, the ability to use magic in this story is a sign of some terrible disease that people are ostracized for having...

I dunno about you guys, but this just sounds impressively awesome to me, especially for a video game. Its too bad its an RPG though. The artistic concept seems as if it could be ruined by me grinding for two hours to get a new pair of boots. If anyone ever plays it, tell me how it is.

I love when pranks go bad....

Tosh.0
Breakdown - Mall Kick
www.comedycentral.com
Web Redemption 2 Girls, 1 Cup Reaction Demi Moore Picture

I bet this guy could really shred!

Just check out how long the necks on his guitars were.



Guitar Hero doesn't know a damn thing about Ancient Egypt. See you guys tomorrow.

I was unoccupied between classes...

But I simply could not figure out what to draw. So I threw down a couple random lines and it eventually became this. I feel like this depicts one of the world's natural competitions because, let's be realistic, if, for survival, you are travelling town to town in the wilds of Mexico, you are going to learn to deal with some crazy shit.



If a mariachi doesn't know to do bring down a jet eagle, I don't know who the fuck could.

Man o' Man is World of Darkness Awesome

I have been on a Werewolf: the Forsaken binge today. After accidentally coming across that whole werehorse supplement I was propelled into looking up the WoD stuff that is actually cool. I really love the Forsaken take on werewolves and all that.

If you look in the back of any of the NWoD books, you'll see that there is some official White Wolf gaming community. Well, I thought I'd look into that and see if there was some way for me to get into a relaxed online forum-based game of Forsaken... There is not. Furthermore, there isn't even an official group for Forsaken in NYC. They have games for Vampire, Mage, and FUCKING CHANGELING, but there is no werewolf love. What's the deal? Ahh well, screw them. I'll just keep loving the bits of fluff in the rulebooks. WERWOLVES RULE!!



p.s. I hope your fiddlings with Vampire went well today.

WEREHORSE!!

That is all...

I know what awesome experiment we have to try over Thanksgiving:

Worst or Best?

I think the main character has a glass eye.

Apparently...

Beans are the most bad ass of all foods. You thought it was meat? Hell no! You thought it was hot peppers? Go fuck yourself! You thought it was energy drinks? You're hardly a human being at all!

Recently, I was researching beans when I discovered the truth about how hardcore-awesome beans really are. You think I'm Joshing you? Then I'm about to drop a hardcore shit on your life. Beans are nothing like you thought they were. Do you have some beans in your house? Do you? Do you have them right now? Well then get the fuck out of your house because those beans are probably about to go on a violent rampage and rape your sock drawer.

Here are some names for beans you thought were just regular-ass when, they are actually hard-ass:

Lima Beans - Madagascar, Prolific, Guffin, & Sugar!
Black Beans - Black Magic, Domino, Valentine, & Nighthawk!
Kidney Beans - Sierra, Maverick, & Othello!

Don't believe me!? Google that shit and then a giant fucking bean will adopt your ass and spank you like a baby!

The most popular Halloween costume this year:

Guy who got so drunk on vacation that he accidentally chopped his own arm off and continued partying

or...

Vietnam war vet with terrible dismemberment who is only able to find pleasure in his escapist hawaiian vacation

Halloween Test-o-Rama!

Testarosa? Umm, anyway. Can you identify 30 vampires in 30 seconds?



I got 17 (possibly 18 but I'm not sure about one).

WTF Japanese Television?

Why would you ever do this to another person?

Female athlete sets new shot put record at age 100

I'm hoping I'm not late to this party but I haven't posted in a long time and I love coming back to blow all your minds.

The Story:

"The oldest female athlete at the World Masters Games in Sydney has broken a world record in the shot put -- at the age of 100"


Pretty Impressive. Although not nearly as impressive as the people of the internet and what they could do with this fine photograph.

Tatsunoko vs. Capcom

It's not the fact that this game is awesome because it has Frank West from Dead Rising, Mega man, Tekkaman Blade and Ryu, but for monkey's sake...look at the damage they are doing..it's not just hits, but each hit is so epic, they deal...........BILLION DAMAGE!!!!!

That and Frank West has an awesome finisher.

More Tatsunoko vs. Capcom: Ultimate All Stars News & Previews

Evolution of the Modern Epic

What, thought you was gonna get some pansy ass literature bullcrap!? Fuck no! Now have a taste of this and be a fucking man!!!



















This is from the APB Evolved forums... So APB has done 1 positive thing in my life. The last one is my own addition.

Probably the Strangest Thing You Will See Today... NSFW

So, a week or so ago, I was walking across Washington Square Park on my way to class. I was with a classmate and we saw a man, wearing Boba Fetts' helmet while playing French music on the accordion. As I happily gave the man some change, my classmate said, "he really knows his audience."

I feel like this man must also really know his audience. Because X-ed out Neo Geo owning single ladies who like a man with some meat on his bones are going to go crazy over this:

Russia's Got Talent......Face shooting talent

I was just thinking...

I really like movies where actors simply display a regular day in their lives. Their true lives. Here's my list:

Arnold Schwarzenegger - Conan the Barbarian
David Bowie - Labyrinth
Woody Harrelson - Zombieland (I haven't even seen it yet but sometimes you just know)
Marcello & Cyrus' Friendship - Akira (it could really go either way and regularly does as far as who is Kaneda and who is Tetsuo)
Tommy Wiseau - the Room

I dunno, I obviously couldn't think of any more after the first three, but you guys know what I mean. Help a brother out here. Add to the list.

"Do a barrel roll!"

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

The manliest of Names

Top 10 manliest names ever:

1. Staff Sgt. Max Fightmaster (My favorite)
2. Manley Power
3. Rad Heroman
4. Magnus Ver Magnusson
5. Rockland Steel
6. Lt. Commander. Flex Plexico
7. Elliott Bonebrake (My second fave)
8. Batman Bin Suparman (this could be tied for second)
9. Optimus Prime (epic)
10. Rip Torn

POWER CHAIR!

"I was just like you once. Had Lupus. Was a 'person of interest' in a series of drive-thru window robberies. Then I got the Power Chair, and everything changed."

"It's the third presidency of the United States..."

"And its George, Thomas Jefferson vs. Aaron Burr vs. Alexander Hamilton."

Please, please go to this RPG related link...

I nearly vomited blood. That's how hilarious this is.

The Sign of the Fox

So, within the next two or three weeks, the official APB Beta announcement should be made. This said, I think it is time that the more rabid APB fans among us do the groundwork to establish our clan. This is actually less complex than it sounds. It involves 1. creating our plans about what we want to do as a group in game and 2. creating a medium by which we can gather up all the members' info.

My thoughts on #1 are that we are basically just trying to cater to our extended network of friends. My purpose for kitsune is just to have a group in which all of our friends can mingle and play and always be able to find an acquaintance who is on to group with. Of course, if we want to mesh some awesome Yakuza styled badassery into this, there is no problem. But the core purpose is for us to be able to play together and turn our set of friends into a casually structured gaming community.

For #2, I think we just need to create some type of private forum/blog/whatever where we can post our in-game and out of game contact info. Nothing big, just name and e-mail address and then whatever gamer tag or title is required in game. Again, the purpose of this is to allow us to contact one another for pre-game planning purposes, and then, once the game is actually going, myself or anyone else who wants to join in the leadership role can get everyone added into the in-game clan.

So is there anything you guys want to add into this?

In terms of the more flashy side of things, I was thinking that the colors for our clan themed items would be bold red (a la Japanese kitsune imagery) and then a mix of the standard black, grey, and white. Our signature item could be a billowing red scarf thing (kitsune statues are adorned with red scarves during festivals although theirs look more like aprons). Also, here are two forms of the word kitsune in kanji:

Sousho Artistic Cursive


Gyousho Semi-Cursive


I personally prefer the rounded swoopiness of the sousho, but there is no reason that we couldn't have multiple different versions of our clan symbols/clothes/etc. Ok, let me know what you are thinking.

The Mighty Magneto

Never have Magneto's schemes been more insidious or terrifying!!!

Behold as he rages on rump fed gas station attendants!
Behold his chosen ignorance of the foolish traffic and parking laws of feeble mortal lawmakers!

Truly, truly, he is as god among men!

THIS IS HOW WE DO IT IN AMERICA!!!

Sorry guys, I am way too pumped right now for no exact reason. Ask Marcello.

*edit: awwww man. The animated gif didn't animate. Anybody know how to make that happen?

The internet makes me sad for one special reason:

PEDOBEAR!!!

That is all

Behold my nefarious scheming

As with all the other APB super-obsessives, I am almost daily on the APB Evolved forum. Well, apparently, one of the members went to gamescom in Cologne and got some special treatment for being an Evolved member: he got to actually create a character and play the game! Not only that, but he is in the newest podcast.

I congratulate the man, but, as a registered evil mastermind, I congratulate those I envy with a swift end. Of course, I will replace him and use his newly established contacts to get my own access to the game. Well, off I go.

Random but...

While the business model for APB is still unexplained, it has been released that the payment methods will be handled by this company: Vindica. I suppose this narrows down the options some knowing that it will not be a required subscription model (pray for no subscriptions).

Is it just me...

or is this actually a good song... about Wolverine... the video game?

Check it

Americans just don't focus on the serious issues at hand.

To remedy this, here are some more entertaining results of the Video Game Name Generator:

Lazy Kung-Fu Xtreme
Fantastic Limbo GT
Erotic Shotgun Apocalypse
Confusing Skydiving Revolution
Battlefield: Funk of the Third Reich
Wooden Juggalo in Busty Town
Olympic Manlove Rangers
Hip-Hop Punching: The Quickening
Heavy Metal Banjo III
the Quest for the Office Dance Party
Zombie Underwear Shootout

and finally, something close to my heart:
Ultraviolent Writing Brawl

I love forums...

simply because people are allowed to talk with relatively no repercussions and the results are great. For instance, check this poignant conversation between two individuals discussing some concept art for the next xbox:

Stone: This looks fuckin dumb….
Deep: your mother looks fuckin dumb….
Stone: your mother’s mother looks fuckin dumb
Deep: my grandpa would beat your ass

Speak on you unadulterated slingers of truth. May your reign of enlightenment never come to a tragic, cotton-candy machine-related end.

Sweet Little Five-Minute Flash Adventure

Little Wheel

Foggy Language, Awesome Info

So chappies, this here is an IRC chat between Chris "Ulric" Dye (the APB PR gent) and some of the members of the lead APB fansite, APB Evolved (my primary source for APB news). It has quite a few tasty morsels of gameplay info in here. Check it out.

So, Ulric visited our IRC channel and answered loads of questions..
Summmary:
Ulric - how is everybody?
good ofcourse.
...
Daniel| - Ulric, will there be a non-camera version of the video you showed at gamescom?
Ulric - looking into that Daniel, certain ratings etc we would need to get etc

Daniel| - i recall reading or hearing (in the podcast) there wouldnt be names above peoples heads, but the gameplay videos tell different?
Ulric - so the "no names above heads" was a misunderstanding of a comment by Dave i beleive, he was trying to emphasise that players would be identified more by there style and "celebrity" rather than simply by a name over their head

Cadus - Also, to be perfectly frank- when is the speculative closed beta date? We heard month and a half and several weeks, can you clarify a bit?
Ulric - everything staying on target i would hope for 4 - 6 weeks as a current timescale, sorry i cant be more specific right now

Downside - Oh, when you have some one in hand cuffs can you then shoot them kinda like an execution or are they out of bounds?
Ulric - deum kills a handcuffed person in the video
Ulric - but there would be consequences for the eforcer

Xyzer - If you let him wait 25 seconds, than kill him he has to wait another 15? >:)
Ulric - yes xyzer, but other criminals can try to get to their arrested colleague and free them

Cadus - Ulric- do criminals have an equivalent of the arrest spawn... elongater? Like can you take them as a hostage or whatever, same effect?
Ulric - not atm cadus no i dont think so, its an enforcer incentive

oneilmatt - hey ulric do all of the buildings have interiors
Ulric - oneilmatt - not all buildings no, but a large majority

Discussion about player housing started...
Ulric - player housing - can i get back to you guys tomorrow on that one, need to check the "official line"

Kuwaji - Ulric: Kind of like MxO? You can enter the first floor of a large amount of buildings. Or will we be able to go on multiple floors?
Ulric - there are multiple levels, steps, ladders etc etc

Tomservo - yeah, is it MXO like random instanced geometry, or does the interior match the building layout?
Ulric - interiors will match (for example in video mark rein starts in an enforcer station, with relevent interior)

Xyzer - Ulric, in a server with a lot of people in it, the city would be a mess.. (Trashcans everywhere, bodies) Do they respawn, disappear or what?
Ulric - Xyzer - items will respawn after a while if destroyed etc

Ulric - ok guys but i dont have much longer if i want to make sure the booth is open later for xyzer
Way to go, Xyzer!

Kuwaji - Ulric: A lot of us have been concerned about how slippery the cars look when driving. Can you say something about that?
Ulric - all vehicles are different, deum was driving a performance vehicle (plus hes a rubbish driver)
Ulric - dotn tell deum i said that though

Lokideviluk - Ulric did you expect a fan forum to get this much community spirit?
Lokideviluk - Especially early on before any information was released
Ulric - i always felt apb would be something special, so im not suprised the community is 'evolving' like it is

I think this was a question about when official forums gets released
Ulric - well not specific date as yet, we are still working on all thesite stuff, but we will have something private in place for closed beta

Ganj-Up - Ulric: i dunno if this has been answered but why can you make 10 characters? Can you use more than one at a time?
Ulric - the customisation is so detailed im sure players will want as many altds as they can make

Lokideviluk - another question that always made me wonder, why you dont do presentation on the PodCasts?
Ulric - im shy
Ulric - hehe

Kuwaji - Will we get to see the full-length presentation your gays have been doing at Gamescom?
Ulric - hopefully kuja, will try toget that sorted when bakc in sunny dundee

after - Ulric: is it possible to have more then 1 car?
Ulric - after - yes multiple vehicles

More discussion about podcast
Ulric - i could be ina pdocast but will probably scare you all away

Gagar1n - Ulric: in some interview with Mark Rein, he said in social districts you can watch movies. That means the movies you make with the ingame video editor, right?
Ulric - yes we will have a video editor for players to make their own in game videos
(i think this question was misunderstood)

after - I hope there are suits in the character customization, i'm gonna make one with a tie etc, classic style
Ulric - after - yes to suits

Cadus - Can you show us some of the characters the team has made? In the podcast or whatever
Ulric - cadus - yes this is something i want t ostart doing

Lokideviluk - And i assume its a damage down to a certain point before arrest?
Ulric - loki - it a stun affect that makes u arrestable

Discussion about enforcers being overpowered because of stun
Ulric - enforcers have a "less than lethal" range of weapons

Lokideviluk - Ulric have you played Crimecraft yet?
Lokideviluk - Id say its your direct competitor as far they overal game goes
Ulric - loki - ive taken a quick look

Lokideviluk - What did you think?
Lokideviluk - We have had mixed reviews
Ulric - i wouldnt say its a direct competitor - they have a certain style game, at a very high level there could be the assumpiton they are similar games, buti think once everyone has seen (or played) both, they will appreciate the big differences in the features of the games
Ulric - obviously they are an independant developer so i wish them all the best with crimecraft

Discussion about weapon customisation
Ulric - apb does have weapon customisation

Reyd - What's the interaction with regular pedestrians
Reyde - Enforcers forcing people out of their cars?
Reyde - Ulric, anything on my question? Or are the peds just mindless drones you can run over
Ulric - criminals can mug / kill pedestrians, enforcers are encourged to try and limit any pedestrian casualties

Nicozy - Ulric: ANy news on the social district?
Ulric - social district will have cool areas to chill in, im trying to get a list i can publish
Nicozy - I GOT ANSWER

Lokideviluk - Encouraged how? (continuing discussion about pedestrians)
Ulric - enforcers will lose prestige for killing pedestrians etc
Ulric - prestige for enforcers, notoriety for criminals

Ulric - ok guys, im gonna haveto head off

It's just one of those days I guess...

Alternate Title: Mariachi bands are much cooler when you understand the cultural significance.

I don't even know where this came from, but I just 'gasmed... Sorry guys

So much yes X2!!!!!

Inklings of newness... but the last comment... OH the last comment.

G4 Interview with lead developer, E.J. Moreland

SO MUCH YES

Link the Barbarian

Eat fried chicken.....or else

ROBOCOP will steal your fridge....

Ok, the image is too big to post. So here's an awesome link.

Here is a fun little tool

CREATE A HERO!!!

I heart Kilowog......soo cool

EAT IT POOZER!

Extreme teaching!

Cy Dogg....you need to be this way with your students:

A Battle for the Ages....A True Gentlemen's duel

I should probably be doing work...

I wasn't really paying attention, but I feel like the last statement is the most true of them all.

Really dude? The fucking Blarney Stone?

Someone needs to tell Rowan Atkinson to step up his game before the next time he teams up with the f'ing Space Monkey's.

Coming soon to a theatre near you....

TWO NINJA'S AND A BABY!

XMAS 2020

Your Move, Fine Sir

CAT BOXING!

K.O. Cat VS Killer Angorra....BATTLE START!

Hey, I remember helping that woman...

And I gave her a damn good deal too

Should We Be Doing More To Reduce The Graphic Violence In Our Dreams?

Zeno Clash 50% off on Steam this weekend

$10 and it seems to be a solid game from everything I have seen. Check out the demo first if you are curious.

You have to admit, fish have some of the creepiest species on the planet

Animal experimentation is so creepy

"AMAZING DOG BRED IN CAMBODIA. SCARY."

"these are a few of my favorite things..."

Worst idea, or best idea?

What entertains me most about this is the fact that in theory it is sound, but you have to be sober enough to actually follow the theory instead of sticking your head all the way out of the water.

Uhhhh... Random (not really)

I found this article which frankenquotes a lot of the recent interviews with David Jones, but strangely enough, there is some fresh new info further down near the bottom. In particular, it mentions standard servers (limited attack targets) vs. chaos servers (free attack targets). Check it out:

Muy Interesante

Over Eager APB Planning!!

I was fiddling around in Photoshop and I basically created a figure of my character with multiple different visual options I might try to go for in APB. Here are a few of my favs.



This was intensely fun for me and will be for you too! (cheesey smile not included) I know somebody else wants to get on this awesome nerdtoshop train. Fabian, I am looking at you...

Post-Post Thoughts: With my character, I am really going for an unnerving, androgonously-threatening things. I have no clue what I am going to do in terms of clothing, but that'll be easier to figure out once I actually get my hands on the game and see the potential wardrobe.

I don't think any of us have seen this one yet

A video from E3 that I missed. Reveals a little bit about the actual storyline, in particular, describing the role of the Enforcers (and why they aren't just called cops).

Random thoughts and, of course, APB

First off: why is the original Iron Chef so much better than Iron Chef America. I mean really. It is intensely better on every level.

Second: The best proverb for our gang which I have found thus far is:

"the fox dines on lamb while the hound has only mutton scraps"

And lastly: my best concept for our gang logo. This is the best I have been able to find/piece together yet:



It is a tiny emblem which I blew up and then outlined from an obscure painting of some hero, himself descended from a fox, uncovering a full blown kitsune who had become the lead courtesan of the emperor and was slowly usurping him.

So ummmm yeah. Late night internets. Also, if I haven't mentioned it to you directly, look up "Unskippable." It is a series on the Escapist. Essentially it is MST3K meets video game cutscenes. Quality. Ok, that's all for now. G'night folks.

Not really fantastic...

but I had to post a link anyway because this forum thread is titled "Some things I don't get about ghosts or the human soul." Sometimes, a good title is too much to pass up.

New David Jones Interview

There is a new David Jones (GTA, Crackdown, APB) interview discussing some more points of APB. Surprisingly, it has a good amount of new-esque info in there, so check it out here.

I am obviously very excited about APB. Just the sound of the social interactions, grudges, celebrity, and other things you build up seem spot on. I think that my expectations for APB are loosening my interest in the traditional MMO, which is quite positive I would have to say. I just tried out D&D online last night and for a couple minutes today and I have to say, it just wasn't rivetting. Seems like a fine MMORPG, but the prospect of learning a whole new system of confusing names and excel spreadsheets just lost me.

Still, four to six months is a long time for an obsessive fanboy... *sigh*

New A.P. Binfo

So, the second APB podcast was released and maybe, just maybe, they will actually be able to keep semi-regular with them (not like the single APB newletter which promised so much and never happened). Here they had one of the lead designers walk us through the E3 customization video and answer a couple of questions.

The most notable thing for me was the fact that we will not be able to import outside images. It'll make our life a little harder since we will have to create all of our gang logos within the editor, but at least it will make it harder for people to paste pictures of penises on everything. Fabe, you and I have a lot of design work coming in the not-too-distant future.

Anywho, here is the actual link.

"Man, Human Experiment Fair just got so commercial after the whole Shinra thing..."

Be prepared to have your face...

AWESOMED OFF OF YOUR FACE

Excitement... Sort of,

So, thanks to Freedom Force, I have realized that if I were some type of traditional super hero, I would probably be ant related (my childhood was dominated by playing with insects, in particular, ants). This led me to look up existing ant related heroes, the only substantial ones being the series of Ant-Men from the Marvel universe.

Being quite familiar with the wackness of the Pym Ant-Man costume (my first comic book was a Spider Man/Ant Man collaboration), I was put off, but continued my research anyway. I found the equally wack and predictable O'Grady costume but when I came to the wikipedia page for Scott Lang, I was impressed. His feautured costume was near perfect for my tastes in super-hero styles. Even better, Lang was an ex-con, a thinker, and a family man (unusual and interesting for a hero).

However, after a google image search, it would seem that the pictured Ant-Man costume is practically unused if used at all. On top of this, Scott Lang is dead. Lastly, though I am not really surprised, he is blonde-haired and blue-eyed (I suppose its not the worst thing in the world but, eventually, one gets tired of the comic book gods grantng super-powers to an all-White cast--no offense but White people just get so damn tiresome).

What the crap comic books... When do I get to have a solid favorite super-hero? Well, here is the sweet ass costume anyways...

As par usual...

I am way ahead of the game (reality) in my APB obsession. I am already trying to think up good slogans for our gang (Kitsune). I have been searching through proverbs and here is what I have so far:

"What the Lion cannot do, the Fox can"

and

"A Fox is not caught in the same snare twice"

Now, those are both cool or whatever, but I want something really sinister and threatening... If you guys find any good proverbs related to Foxes, throw em up, or any proverbs related to tricky animals in which the fox could be substituted.

Fuck... Yes

From an interview with the lead designer of APB

With all the in-game items, are you thinking of micro-transactions? Is that a business model you guys are looking at?

The only thing we really want anyone to take away from this visit at E3 is that we're certainly not trying to do the traditional subscription model... we're not going to place the same kind of "gym membership" subscriptions on them that the MMOs do.

The Full Interview

No, I am serious. I jizzed in my pants.

I think my heart is aflutter with APB fanboyism. I know I praised STALKER (womp) and I praised Spore (womp), but seriously guys... seriously... just look at this game. This game makes me want to find a stray dog, groom and raise that dog, and then build a religion around it. It blows my mind how exciting this game looks.

For fully awesome madness check out:

The Official Site
and
The Official Fan Site

Once again, hail APB, hail Kitsune, and all praise be to Woofie.

JIZZED - IN - MY PANTS

Seriously guys... I don't ever think you will get me to even play this game. I will just be making my character forever... AND IT WILL BE SWEET!

"You could release this record today..."

Watch Derrick Comedy: Jazz Man on CollegeHumor

Ever felt like comic books made too much sense? LANTERN CORPS UUUUUNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITE!!!!!!!

And seriously, Dex-Starr is my new favorite comic book character... even if he is a cat... and his name is Dex-Starr.

We all knew cats were evil... but this evil?

The Geekiest Thing Ever Posted on the Entire Internet

There Will Be Brawl...

This is only episode one. There are four episodes so far on the Escapist. I am looking forward to the eventual conclusion.

Fun times in Cleveland today!

And also:

Holy Macaroni!

I don't know if I feel proud for finding this or what...

Dead Girls Gone Wild
Uploaded by thesepeople

Hit the second one for a palette clenser

So Your Computer Can't Run TF2...

Gang Garrison 2

It's exactly what it sounds like. Direct rip-off 2D Team Fortress. Awesome.

Zeno Clash on Steam

My Steam users, go grab the Zeno Clash demo. I was felt firmly set against first person fighting games until just now when I tried this game. It is, if nothing else, the accomplishment of a (game) mechanical concept I have only seen fail up until now. I also definitely dig the feel of the game. Please check out the demo. It is totally worth it.

Here's hoping that some day they come out with multiplayer.

Check the Gorillaz Movie

BANANAZ

You know what they say...

Oh Mario...

Just B-Cuz

Behold, AWESOMETON (j/k)

This is a rough sketch of the kingdom in which our story is going to take place. Each of the small squares are little villages focused around farming, mining, fishing, etc. Some of them will contain a store or an inn, but for the most part they will just be a rudimentary collection on houses. The circles are full on towns. Being centers of trade, they will have quite sizable selections of inns, bars, and traders and craftsment of all sort. There is only one city in the region which is the hexagon in the northeast. This is a major city and it houses the vast majority of the non-Human residents of the realm. It is the artery through which all trade and culture flow in and out of the kingdom. The triangles are various temples and religious centers. The temple furthest to the west (in the mountains) is the monk monastery. Our adventures will begin in and around the temple in the south (situated an even distance between the two southern towns).

The three pointed turret is the main castle fortress of the kingdom. It is the seat of the monarchy which rules the realm (more information on the social structure of the kingdom later). The two pointed turrets along the eastern border are the various old fortresses of the kingdom. Though the kingdom is not at war, much of the nation's sparse army is situated in these locations, holding off relatively regular raids by barbarians and other outsiders seeking access to the rich countryside of the kingdom. To the distant north of the kingdom is the ocean and to the south are a collection of the remnants of old villages and barren plains.

I think that is all that I will reveal for now about the geography (and hopefully that makes up most of what you guys will need for you adventures). This is a relatively large space with the distance between most villages being about a 6 hour march (one solid day of travel). Okies. Hit me with any thoughts.

Typos Typos Typos.

Wnehver I fnid the guy who careted tpyos... I am ginog to dstroey him. Taht is all.

SWEET AMBROSIAL JESUS-FECES!!

Or Jeces as I like to call it. Some god, somewhere finally decided that I deserved to get what I had passionately and sweatily cried over for so many nights. They have updated Brad Neely's website, and guess what, there are like 10 new B. Neely cartoons. The Neelz is back. I love you B. Neelzie.

B. Neel's Brie

*Side Note: I cannot look at the preview frame from the Pig Man post for too long without feeling sick to my stomach.

I still haven't forgotten about D&D

You know how sometimes, two unusual things meet and then they meld to become something beautiful:



Yeah, that didn't happen here at all.

Cyrus, lvl 2 Blogger / lvl 6 Internet Sifter

So, we all know (Marcello knows) how badly I want to play a pen and paper rpg. That said, I have DLed every single resource from the first edition of AD&D. Gents... Guys... Fellowmentlemen. I think we should all get together and play some Dungeons and Dragons. I will write up the campaign and all that, you guys just have to get way to into it and cry after I get all power happy and unnecessarily kill the characters you worked so hard on. It'll be great.

Seriously though. I would really love to try out D&D. To help convince you, I have captioned this picture from the Unearthed Arcana resource book:


"Why have I wasted so many years fucking my unicorn... Ugghhhh tome, I love you baby."

If you are interested, think about your class/role choices. Call me.

Why Japan... I Just... Why?

This documentary is showing free on Comcast... Right now!

Seriously, go watch this On Demand right now. Most realistic and poignant piece on Iraq you will find.

Josh... If you are out there...

Cananadian Josh, aka Major Zero, put me on to this a while ago. You should really watch the original series before you watch the remade version. It has less polish, but the second version feels like it rushes throught the concurrent episodes (although they do add some jokes). Check it:

FLARE!

100!!!!

Watch If American TV Were Japanese and more funny videos on CollegeHumor

Excellence....Pure Excellence

This was tripping me the fuck out today......i lieu of our excursion to the IMAX:

I love you Japan. I love you Nigoro

Remember Rose & Camellia. Well look what Nigoro hath wrought now:

Mekuri Master

And yes, this game is about exactly what it looks like it is about.

RE: Zak's Terrible Burger King Birthday

read this


Yes. Yes, "Salmon Season," you are correct. Zak's childhood is a wreck. For the celebration of his existence, his mother took him to a greasy, dillapidated, hole whose very attractions are the bottom barrel remnants from soulless stretches for money from a decade ago. But there is something you are wrong about "Salmon." Zak is not on the floor of his trailer eating garbage which he has stepped on. Zak is the garbage and daily you trod on him, carelessly, and you continue to prod and pick the undamaged pieces of him to fulfill your hunger. This is all true, but, Zak is not a fat imbecilic weakling to be pitied in one breath and scoffed at in the next. Zak is far from weak. Zak is all around you. Zak is not only the boy, but Zak is the clown, the mother, and the drained dry man in the back who is plotting his revenge between turning the burgers. Zak is all around you. Zak is a limp hand wrapped gently around your throat. And one day, years from now, when Zak is sitting on the floor of his trailer, eating the fast food which he paid for ten times as much as he was paid for making it, Zak's grip will start to tighten, and then "Salmon," you will know where America's forgotten children have ended up.

:D

CAGE!?

It's all for you Marcello... All for you...

CAGE!

This is an awesome game they're starting up at Cracked.com. After the Wicker Man it seems only right to play along.

Clickey Clak!.

Here's my entry!

Fun with Finger Painting

The last time I played tf2 with Cello, he had his image turned into a sweet spray. That had me remembering how bad I wanted to have a spray of my own. So this morning I did an art project, transforming an old CCCP propaganda poster into my own personalized TF2 tag. A meeting of Soviet chic and that creepy faceless thing I like so much. Check it.



Here is the original for reference: